My first blog.... so bare with me!
Has anyone (who has kids) ever want to do something for them so bad it hurt? Like millions of people in this world my family is a lower income family. By lower income I mean that we literally live day to day. We're not poor but not too much above it either. I am a full time mom of 5 children, full time student in college trying to do something with my life, and I work part time at a veterans club. The only thing that I can definately give my children is my love, my morals and my values in hopes that they will grow up with a good understanding of the world and how to treat thoughs in it. However, sometimes I wonder if the morals and values I'm teaching my children are setting them up for failure.
I've always told my children that no dream is too high to achieve as long as they reach for them. That when we dream, we are pushing ourselves forward in life. The other day though I was saddened by the fact that maybe i shouldn't be teaching my children this or maybe I should go about it in a different way. Let me explain....
My daughter Destiny Rain is 11 years old and the other day we were conversating about movie stars and who was our favorites. I told her how Johnny Depp is mine because of his acting skills (not because he's the "sexies man alive" that may very well be, but I'm not that shallow) and she told me that hers was Mr. Pattinson...aka "Edward" of Twilight. Now I realize that almost all the young girls are just trembling with excitement over this boy... mine is no different. But then, our conversation took a turn that left me saddened and questioning my values that I teach her. As we are talking about this she had asked me...Do you think you will ever meet Johnny Depp? without even thinking, I laughed and said I highly doubt it. He's well above my league. Well the look on her face just made me crumble. Without knowing it... I had just told my daughter that her own dream of meeting Robert Pattinson was one that would never be. But is was her response that took me off guard and let me wondering if I'm teaching her the right way. She had looked at me afterwards and said "ya, things like that don't happen to people like us huh? I didn't know what to say. I saw in her eyes such a big disappointment and as her mother there was nothing I could say to make her feel better. The only thing I could say was "It could happen." of course she looked at me like "whatever" which made me feel even worse. But, it got me thinking and I felt like we were in the movie charlie and the chocolate factory. Here she was in a family that took roads that led to nowhere really. Our own fault of course but there was no changing the fact. And no matter what I've taught her about keeping her own dreams alive some of the roads to help her get there was going to be far beyound her reach. So I stood there and saw in my daughter this little "charlie" trying to get the last golden wrapper in hopes of seeing her dream "Meeting Robert Pattinson" come true. It was the first time I felt like crap for teaching my children to dream and to dream big because no matter how much I didn't want to admit it, some dreams just wasn't meant to be lived. So I had to ask myself am I doing more harm to her than good? Should I infact be telling her that she should have this dream when infact the the probibility of it ever coming true were 1 in I don't know how many. It seem like I was really just setting her up for a heart break. I mean she would literally have to be in the right place, at the right time and seeing how we live in Ohio, and can't afford to fly to even the closest place that he might be, I doubt it will ever come true.
So now I'm on a mission to try and find some way to help her dream come true. A dream that I'm sure will change one day but then it will be replaced by another dream. Perhaps I should be teaching her to follow dreams more in her reach rather than ones she may never see. For christmas she wants all Twilight and New Moon pieces.... That I can do for her! So.... If anyone has a golden thicket they'd be willing to part with.... or knows anyone who may help me bring her closer to her dream..... please feel free to let me know!
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Heaven, goals with out a plan are only a wish, I heard this recently.
ReplyDeleteBut dreams are not goals, dreams are there for us to consider and wonder about in that some day they may or may not be realized.
Your mothering and teaching skills are just fine.
There are no false hopes initially for our child.
ENCOURAGE...ENCOURAGE...ENCOURAGE..and you will never go wrong.
BIG HUGS
Bob
This letter is for your daughter:
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I had tremendous dreams and although many people told me some of my dreams were foolish, I held onto them. I'm a dreamer, so after all---what's a dreamer without dreams.
As I got older, some of the dreams came true, others sort of fell by the side of the road. Dreams are funny that way. They're a form of illusion, they are something that is at once real and unreal, and best of all, they are extremely changeable. One dream leads to another and to another....
And here's the best part of all. Sometimes the magic of dreaming isn't whether or not we stand a chance of dreaming (what's reality, after all but a palpable illusion?), but that we can dream at all.